The Fanthorpes’ Christmas Saga December 2006

The New Year started with "Good Morning Wales"
As news reviewer for the papers’ tales.
BBC Kent, I’m always glad to say,
Invite me back to do "Thought for the Day".
As guests of Steph and Moz – – a Hilton meal —
Occasion filled with appetite appeal!
Rock Wedding next — Virgin’s in Oxford Street —
And pop–star doubles made the show complete.
Then Blenheim Palace for GMTV
Valentine’s Day romance for all to see —
Blessed fifty couples, as their vows renew,
Cameras enabling all their smiles to view.
Fiona, Zac and Katie next we met
In Monmouth where my lecturing was set
To good old friends at Haberdashers’ School
Where highest standards are the general rule.
Another interview "Real Radio" —
I’m happy adding comments to their show.
And then a phone–in show with USA
The only problem is night versus day!
Filming in Newport next — character part —
We hope to do some more — that’s just the start.
Mensa at Malvern — always good to go —
Added the Game of Ur to their great show.
Then broadcast on "Five Live" — "Talk Radio" too —
Broadcasting is a thing I love to do.
At Easter Radio Kent — "Thought for the Day"
And "Radio Two" : they let me have my say!
TV in Hampstead — that was fun as well —
I keep on finding some new tales to tell.
To Halton then near Liverpool we rode —
Lectured for MARA on "Da Vinci Code"
For Mark and Janette and our other friends —
We hope our link with Halton never ends.
And all the time, we’re teaching constantly —
Both private students and Academy.
For Anders — educational consultation —
School plans for his Tomorrow’s Generation.
Somehow we fitted in some more TV
To help producer friend, Mark Donnelly.
A day in London — Nostradamus work —
Twenty odd shows — professionals never shirk!
Discovery Channel: life is not sedentary —
Appeared in "Nostradamus" documentary.
Down next to Cornwall for King Arthur dinner —
The company’s great — but we’re not getting thinner!
Then next we did the Lou Gentile* show
On radio USA – – how time does go!
(*There is a footnote here; though small and silly
He sounds that final e – – so it’s Gentile!
Without that final e my rhythm’s lost —
And it must be preserved at any cost!
For rhythm makes a poem so much sweeter —
And I try hard to regulate the meter!)
On June the 10th the three of us were heading
To Michaelstone–y–Fedw for a wedding:
Elizabeth and Ryan celebrated – –
A massive gift to Jumbo they donated.
Radio Scotland next – – a phone–in show —
The studio there is rather far to go!
Jumbo came down to help at Tractor Rally —
The friends who gathered there were very pally.
They broke the record — good for all to hear:
More tractors than the number of the year!
Pauline and Mick tended the Jumbo stall
And did a first class job to help us all.
I took my bike there — journey wasn’t far – –
Jane and Patricia, Steph and Moz in car!
Then in July we went to work in Rome —
Wanted to bring the Coliseum home!
Studied Pompeii and in the catacombs —
Sombre array of interesting tombs.
Next show in USA was "Coast to Coast"
George Noory is a really brilliant host.
Steph and Patricia walked by Offa’s Dyke —
(Walking’s a sport that Bullfrogs do not like!)
Radio Wiltshire next — we never slack —
I did a broadcast there on Spring–Heeled Jack.
Stayed with Dave Everson — and John his friend —
In Croydon spent a very good weekend.
Fiona, Iain, Zac and Katie too —
In Gloucester next we came to stay with you.
Good friend Bob Snow and Angela we saw
We wish our time with them could have been more.
Discworld Convention — absolutely great —
Superb the stories Terry can relate.
A privilege for me to lecture there —
With Meg and Tim — some lovely days to share.
With Moz and Steph by Offa’s Dyke we strode.
(The Frog prefers two wheels and a fast road!)
I hopped along — despite my webs’ defiance!
In Norwich next: the Festival of Science —
I lectured there — complete with a prediction —
"The Debt that Science Owes to Science Fiction."
Saw good friend Peter Tyres while we were there
And stayed with Babs and Theo — who took care
Of us with lavish hospitality —
And other members of the family.
Saw John and Barbara — very pleasant stay – –
Then home to Cardiff — which is quite a way!
To Snibston Park this year — the Jumbo Run —
We do our best to give the children fun,
The Jumbo Run’s a wonderful event —
I’m very honoured to be President.
Patricia, Steph and Moz walked Sugar Loaf.
(Frog stayed at home and worked — the lazy oaf!)
Lectured at Worcester University
For ASSAP’s splendid quarter century.
Superbly organised — our thanks to those
Who made it run so well from start to close.
Gave workshops next on National Poetry Day
To Valley Schools it’s hard to find the way!
Then filming down in London — soon you’ll see
"Container" – – an amazing DVD – –
From Metrodome — I’m in the Documentary.
Among the credits you will find my entry!
Researching our new book "Time and its Mystery"
Went to Versailles to check up on the history
Of Miss Jourdain, and friend, Miss Moberly,
Who saw the past return mysteriously.
With that research completed we return:
Send manuscript and pictures to Dundurn.
Our warmest thanks to Stan for kind help here —
Great "Introduction" and proof–reading clear.
Lectured in Croydon at the big "Witchfest" —
Then meal with John and Dave, who cooks with zest!
Next lecturing in Rome — and workshop too —
For Kerberus Research, we’re glad to do.
So that’s the saga done for this full year.
We wish you Christmas happiness and cheer.
We send our warmest wishes, once again,
Patricia, Lionel and his sister Jane..

“Rivendell” 48 Claude Road, Roath, Cardiff, CF24 3QA
Telephone: 02920–498368
Fax: 02920–496832

Politically Correct Christmas
Lionel and Patricia Fanthorpe December 24th 2004

God rest ye, merry gentlefolk,
When carols ye select
Be certain that your lyrics are
Politically correct –
To gender and ethnicity
Take care to genuflect.
Theological Thought Police will bring
What we may sing
Oh, they’ll soon tell us what we may sing!

Three cheers for good Queen Wenceslas,
Who faced the snowflakes’ whirl –
Accompanied on that journey by
Her fearless young page girl.
While glamorous Ms Christmas
Round each chimney does a twirl.
Theological Thought Police will bring
What we may sing
Oh, they’ll soon tell us what we may sing!

The shepherdesses in the fields
Guard lambs from prowling beast,
While on three camels soon appear
Wise Women from the East –
Of evil Queen Herodias
It’s best to say the least.
Theological Thought Police will bring
What we may sing
Oh, they’ll soon tell us what we may sing!