The Fanthorpes’ Christmas Saga December 2004

Escaping from Welsh January sky,
We did some filming work out in Kauai.
The story there concerned a grim Wer-shark –
We didn’t fancy swimming after dark!
Meeting with Dave and Dawn was a great pleasure:
They showed us all the island’s natural treasure.
Then broadcast on George Noori’s “Coast to Coast” –
He is a really splendid Radio host.
And after that another radio talk
For Joe Salzone: his Station’s in New York.
Spring’s on the way when February is dawning:
We did a show on mysteries with “This Morning”:
It’s hard to reach definitive decisions
About the Russian girl with “X-Ray visions”.
Mysterious subjects: all unsolved conjecture –
For Cowbridge Rotary Club I gave that lecture.
Fiona, Zac and Katie came to stay:
And on our Snooker table we all play!
In March, Toronto, Publishers: Dundurn –
So that our next commissions we can earn!
We’ve just done “Unsolved Mysteries of the Sea” –
Forthcoming titles with them we agree:
One on the “Templars”, and the next on “Castles”:
Across the Atlantic speed the airmail parcels!
Our warmest thanks to Stan, whose help we’re needing,
For academic guidance and proof-reading.
To Muncaster to lecture – lovely place –
They give their owls such loving care, and space.
Next, while the lingering days of March survive,
We did a little broadcast for “Five Live”.
When April came, to Malvern off we went:
A happy time with Mensa friends we spent.
“This Morning” for another mystery show
Reincarnation theme – where do we go
When one life ends – on Earth another session?
Can hypnotism help us with regression?
A happy Blackpool item we must mention –
We lectured there at the SF Convention.
Tutorial work and writing fill each day:
Helping our students pass exams in May.
July brought an occasion very jolly –
The Dorset Wedding Service: Pete and Polly.
Paper reviewing on “Good Morning Wales”
Selecting mainly quaint and curious tales!
The Pembroke Monster Show upon TV
What was it that the witnesses did see?
Another broadcast then on Radio Wales
The JFK Conspiracy still sails!
We did another show on “Coast to Coast”
The mysteries are the items they like most.
For Radio Leeds and Berkshire – thanks to Steve –
And all our listeners who their stories leave.
In Father Reaney’s Churchyard here in Wales,
Memorial stones told interesting tales
Of Proberts, Evans, Morgans, Owens, Jones:
Just like my TV Show called “Talking Stones”.
At Terry Pratchett’s “Discworld”
I then spoke – enjoying every brilliant Pratchett joke!
Fiona, Zac and Katie came to stay
We all went to Big Pit – a glorious day.
Stephanie came along – and so did Jane.
So much in that Museum can explain
The strength and courage of those gallant men
Who faced deep dangers time and time again.
Next day, to Moz and Steph’s for Garden Party:
Another lovely day – the fun was hearty.
And that’s how August went – as we remember –
We lectured then for Theo in September.
Off to Holt Hall in Norfolk for a course
On ancient mysteries with a Norfolk source.
Then Jumbo Run to bring the kids some pleasure,
With biker pals whose friendship is a treasure.
We went to the Museum – Country Black –
My Harley took me safely there and back!
Patricia’s Birthday – on October two –
We had a restaurant meal – a lovely do!
Our group included Jane and Steph and Moz
A very special evening that one was!
“Spirit Dawn” lecture – Bristol by the sea:
Then off to Gloucester for a Birthday Tea.
Our little Katie’s started now to bake –
She made Patricia a fine Birthday Cake!
Caerphilly for the National Poetry Day –
Where I helped young school poets on their way:
Then off to Blackwood Miners’ Institute –
Where youngsters read their poems – very cute!
Saw Pondson Rick – here from the USA.
With him and Penny had a lovely day.
Also researching for the Templar book –
And pictures of the Templar Church we took,
Plus Richard Lionheart upon his charger –
Than life his mighty statue is much larger!
To Gloucester next for Iain’s Birthday Dancing –
Even the Mighty Bullfrog did some prancing!!!!
A sight most strange: both weird and surprising –
Said to be rarer than a Phoenix rising!
To judge Community Awards came next –
Entries so good, we judges were perplexed.
The “Echo” organised it splendidly –
Gave great support to the community.
The next event deserves a special mention –
Lectured again at Fortean “UnConvention”
Enjoyed it greatly: many old friends there –
Discussing mysteries with a Fortean air.
Then to the Book Fair – doing many signings –
Even old Badger Books have silver linings!
October phone-in show for Joe Salzone,
Talking of mysteries in his New York Zone.
November Plymouth for Armadacon –
I Lectured there, till half the night was gone!
We filmed West Wycombe Caves and haunted inn –
The George and Dragon, where the tales begin,
And Dashwood’s Hell Fire Club within the caves –
Do they still wander from their restless graves?
Lectured to Cardiff Ladybirds, nice folks:
Talked about mysteries, interspersed with jokes.
Steph and Patricia went a film to see:
Watched “The Incredibles” – they’re just like me!
Then “Vision Thing” recording radio show.
From BBC that series soon will go.
Christmas Memorial Service at Thornhill –
For loved ones gone ahead, remembered still,
Until, with tears long past and hearts delighted,
In God’s good time, we’ll all be re-united.
If we’re to get these sagas out at all –
This has to be all that we can recall.
We wish you Merry Christmas: great New Year.
Get busy with your turkeys, wine and beer!
May you enjoy full many a Christmas Party –
And may God keep you joyful, hale and hearty!
May happiness be yours, time and again –
Love from Patricia, Lionel and Jane.

Lionel, Patricia and Jane Fanthorpe,
“Rivendell” 48 Claude Road, Roath, Cardiff, CF24 3QA
Telephone: 02920-498368
Fax: 02920-496832

Politically Correct Christmas
Lionel and Patricia Fanthorpe December 24th 2004

God rest ye, merry gentlefolk,
When carols ye select
Be certain that your lyrics are
Politically correct –
To gender and ethnicity
Take care to genuflect.
Theological Thought Police will bring
What we may sing
Oh, they’ll soon tell us what we may sing!
Three cheers for good Queen Wenceslas,
Who faced the snowflakes’ whirl –
Accompanied on that journey by
Her fearless young page girl.
While glamorous Ms Christmas
Round each chimney does a twirl.
Theological Thought Police will bring
What we may sing
Oh, they’ll soon tell us what we may sing!
The shepherdesses in the fields
Guard lambs from prowling beast,
While on three camels soon appear
Wise Women from the East –
Of evil Queen Herodias
It’s best to say the least.
Theological Thought Police will bring
What we may sing
Oh, they’ll soon tell us what we may sing!